Following are two links to some blogs I frequent. I could have written both posts myself. What I mean is, my thoughts are exactly the same as theirs. I feel like I "get" them and they "get" me, even though we all have no idea who the other really "is". Check them out, and know that I wish I had the energy to write these thoughts myself...right now, I am simply too drained, i think. I am not sad...I am just....blah. I am ready to hear something. Ready to move forward. Ready for some kind of news. I just cant picture what we have coming for us. Some times I feel like we are laying on the railroad tracks, staring up at the stars in the sky, admiring the blessings we have in our lives...and a train is about to come charging at us at full speed. I hope we at least get to see the headlight before we get run over.
Not that having/getting our baby (i never know how to say it) will be akin to being run over by a train...but this whole process just feels so exciting right now, and the anticipation is gut-wrenching.
So, check out these blogs. The two posts from yesterday and today are particularly familiar. Keep in mind that we have only been in the pool for 3 weeks. That is equal to about a minute in adoption world. But we have heard so many stories of couples getting matched quickly, and I wonder at what point are we not one of "those" couples? Will we still be waiting in April? Will we be matched quickly, but have to wait 4 months for a due date? Will we take a long time to get matched, but have a due date the next day? Will our first match be "the one", or will we endure more heart ache? Some days, it all feels so close...like we are almost there. And other days, like today, it all just feels like we are waiting for something that isnt really coming.
So, again...check out these two blogs...this really is a rollercoaster.
http://myheartisalreadythere.blogspot.com/
http://mandmadopt.blogspot.com/
8 comments:
Your post struck a chord in me, and I will go read the others. We are matched and nearing placement, but I remember having all of those feelings just months earlier. So much anticipation. You run around gathering up everything for your application, homestudy, and profile, then you have to sit around and wait and wonder. Ours is a match situation, where we just wait for the baby to be born, but everyone's story is different. Trust me, it doesn't get any easier once you get matched, because there are new things to worry about.
My advice, not that you asked, is to find lots of other healthy things to focus your energy on that you can feel good about and that will divert your attention. You will drive yourself insane unless you are able to get your mind off of it. You can predict what will happen and you can't will it to happen. Trust me, I tried. I finally settled down during the wait, but then once we got matched, I got all excited again. Now I've settle down again, but I'm scared to death that we're actually going to get a baby soon. How's that for irony?
Sorry for the long comment, but I wanted you to know I have had EXACTLY those same feelings. Hang in there and wait for the right baby!
I can't imagine what you are feeling. ((hugs))
Hi Kathleen,
Thanks for the link to my blog. Some days I really don't know what I would do without this blogging community and the comfort/support I find here. Hang in there and know that you're not alone!
Melba
We waited 6 weeks to be matched and now we have to wait another 3 months for the baby to be born....I am enjoying my last three months as a non-mom...trying to look on the bright side!
We waited 6 weeks to be matched and now we have to wait another 3 months for the baby to be born....I am enjoying my last three months as a non-mom...trying to look on the bright side!
of course I don't mind you linking my blog to yours. i will do the same, link yours to mine.
You know you said it so right, it isn't really sadness that I feel, just kind of blah, just waiting for whatever comes next. When I got that updagte from our agency we had been waiting for 3 weeks, and I thought "are we really going to have a quick match?!" Then reality set in and I realize that we may actually still be waiting in 09. It really was such a wierd emotion as I read the update, like a ton of bricks just knocked me down, didn't know whether to cry, jump for joy, who should I call.
Best wishes in your journey, it is nice to know that we are not alone in this process.
I haven't had a chance to read both of the blogs yet, though I hope to soon. I know this whole experience can be so exhausting and overwhelming.
Praying for you, friend! I really miss you.
This is great info to know.
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