Big Boy Status

Well. It's here. The day I didn't realize I was dreading until it was upon us.

We tried moving Grady to a big boy bed earlier this year, but when he realized he was really leaving his crib, he cried. At 10pm. On a school night. And when your baby boy who's "too big for a crib" is sad and just wants the security of the only bed he's ever known, you pack that big boy bed up and try again another day.

 And then you are surprised at how happy you are that your giant baby is still in his crib, because it means you aren't the only one clinging to that last sign of baby-ness. 

And life carries on. He still loves his crib, often asking "Can you put me in my crib now?" when he's heard enough books and had enough cuddles for the night. Each time you rock him in the rocking chair, you wonder if you'll still be doing this in a week? A month? Surely not by Christmas? But maybe Halloween? And then you sit there rocking that sweet miracle baby boy in a quiet, dark room at the end of another crazy, busy day, and you say another silent prayer. "Thank You, God, for this. For this cuddly boy and his words. For this safe place and these quiet moments with my amazing son. Thank You." And you aren't sure who needs those "rock, rocks" more. The sweet boy who is growing and learning so much, all day, every day? Or the tired but overjoyed mommy who gets to eat up the last weeks, months, moments of her tiniest babe fitting in her lap? We both need it. 

And I "get it". I get that it's a miracle he's here. I get that it's amazing that I'm a mom to two miracles. I get that it's a total God thing because there is no other way to explain it. I don't take those calm, cuddly moments for granted. "Mommy, will you read to me (or listen to me read!)," and "Mommy, I want rock, rock..." are my kryptonite. I can't say no. I'm there and I eat it up. I get it. 

So I was surprised at how sad I am today. I wasn't sad at ALL when we tried this big boy bed gig several months ago. I wasn't sad when Whitney left her crib right after she turned two. Grady's been three since April! I've clearly known this was coming! So why the tears?! 

The only explanation I have is that I know this time. When we took the crib out of Whitney's room, we weren't really SURE if we'd adopt again. Weren't SURE it was the last time we'd use that crib. When we tried a big boy bed earlier this year, i must've known he wasn't really ready. And I was happy when he wasn't ready! 

But today. We know there won't be anymore babies in that crib. And we know he's ready this time. It's time. 

I just took the sheets off the crib for the last time. I hated making that bed. Such a pain! I broke a sweat getting those sheets on that bed! But I felt the first tear fall as I ripped the last corner of the sheet off the mattress for the last time. Then I saw the tiny scratches left behind by teething cuties waiting for mommy to pick them up. 

And as I put new sheets a random sheet (I found because the sheets I ordered arent here yet and this all happened quickly) on Gradys new big boy bed, the kids were playing School in his room. Whitney is the teacher and Grady kindly asked, "Ummm, Teacher? Can it be StoryTime now??"  Teacher Whitnre cheerfully obliged her student, and then asked me if I could "get our crib out of here so we have more room for circle time? Please?" 

I'll never forget the day Eric assembled that crib in a room that had only ever been a guest room in our house. It was a great day. It was a great crib. It held my babies and made them feel safe as they closed their eyes on another day. Two years for Whitney and almost three and a half for Grady.

Seeing that crib in our house meant a baby was coming.  I was about to be a mommy.  My dream was about to come true.  I know its "just a crib".  But its kind of NOT just a crib, too.  

So  while we await the new bedding....

trains, of course,

.....and after a trip with Mac to pick up a new mattress for his Big Boy Bed...

....this happened....

....I made a last second search of my phone to make sure I had one last picture of the last Bass Baby sleeping in the crib....

......and it was official. 

The Dude was super happy about his new bed, and, in typical Grady fashion, he made a smooth transition.  

After his bath, we'd usually get his jammies on, pick a few books, and settle into his rocking chair.  The chair is still there, and might be used in the days ahead.  But I suspected he would scurry to his bed tonight, instead of climbing into the chair, and I was right.  (So I suspect tears in the weeks ahead as the rocking chair that I hate to love becomes obsolete. Its the ugliest piece of furniture in our home but its probably my favorite because it is the place Ive spent much of my cuddliest time with my two favorite kids who are the biggest blessings Ive ever been given.)

I read four books (he chose the Nemo pack of books, and laughed the whole way through).  We talked about the movie and the characters.  I told him we should watch that movie tomorrow and he said, "No, Mommy.  That movie is too long for me so I need to watch PJ Masks uh-stead (instead), okay?"  We laughed and I turned out the light.  He asked for his juice (which is actually water with a splash of juice) and said, "Leave it open, please?" because he likes having his door open at night now.  Like his sister. :) 

I went to get his waterjuice and when I came back, I tucked him in and before I could even lean down to kiss him, he said, "You wanna cuddle me, Mommy?"

Uuuhhhhh.  YEAH!

So I climbed in that twin bed next to him and he hugged me tight.  We said prayers and then he asked for his cup.  I told him he could have his cup when I got up.  He asked again, so I said "You can have your juice now, but then Im gonna get up.  Do you want more cuddles? Or your juice?"

He thought for a second and launched himself onto my head for a giant hug.  

....and then tried to not-so-casually reach for his juice cup on the nightstand.

Stinker. 

I gave him another hug and crawled out of his bed so he could have his juice and get to sleep.

He gave me kisses and a hug and a high five.  Asked for help with his monkey and his "nudder monkey" (other monkey).  And that was it.  Goodnight.  

I thought surely he would test it.  Get out of bed to go potty a few times?  Call for more juice once or twice?  Nope. 

The Dude sipped on his cup for a while and then drifted off to sleep.  Just like that. 

 And so it's done. No more crib. No more babies. And I've known this for months. Over a year. And so I'm surprised at the sad. The feels. The tears. Ive loved EVERY other milestone with both kids, because milestones mean growth and new beginnings and fun times ahead.  I loved when they started crawling and walking.  I loved when they potty trained and learned their letters.  I loved when they copied shapes for the first time with a crayon, tied her shoes, rode a bike, pedaled a tricycle, swam the length of the pool, and allllllll the other milestones and big moments in childhood.  But to this grateful mommy, tonight, it feels like something was taken away for the first time.  And it stinks.

But tomorrow morning, when that little boy bounces out of his new bed and is proud of his new big boy status, Ill remember how happy this day was.