Seriously?? Cant I catch a break here???

Well, another negative. Not only is it negative, but AF showed 2 days early, wiping out all hopes upon arrival. That sucks, right?
Wanna know what's worse? My ovary SUCKS....It has managed to grow two GIGANTIC cysts, and several smaller ones. I am so pissed and sad. I cant stop crying even though I have been in this EXACT situation countless times before. I guess I just cant seem to get it through my head that my ovary just refuses to funciton properly. I honestly feel like I am being punished for something. Like I must have been an ax-murderer in my preious life...or maybe Hitler. I just cant understand WHY God keeps doing this. WHat could He be thinking? The only logical explaination is that He is trying to tell us to stop. Stop trying to get pregnant, stop trying to be parents, stop putting yourself and your family and friends through this all the time. Just stop. I honestly think that, if I were to sit down and have a nice lil chat with the Big Man, He would probably laugh at me and say, "I am sending you signs left and right...why arent you following them?! Stop trying, lady!! You dont deserve the kind of happiness a mother has. Get over it! Move on!"
Ok, so maybe I am throwing a bit of a pity party. But can ya blame me? I just dont know how I am supposed to be positive and happy and upbeat and motivated when this just keeps happening. The docs apparently think we should follow the exact same steps, but expect a different outcome. It's just not logical to me. Patience + BCPs has never = Baby Bass. Why would it htis time??
So, I am off to Walgreens to pick up MORE birth control pills. There is a pattern of trips to Walgreen's in the last three years:
Beginning of a cycle: tampons and pads
Middle of a cycle: fertiltiy meds or ovulation kits
Towards the end: pregnancy tests....followed quickly by another purchse of tampons and pads and birth control pills. I dont even go in anymore. I send Eric. It's too frustrating.
Poor Eric...he tries, but he really has no clue. We spent 40 minutes in the car on the way home from the doc this morning....speechless. I was crying too hard and he apparently had NO CLUE what to say or how to comfort me. I guess after three years, he has finally run out of things to say....and besides...the words dont really help anymore. I've heard it all.