Cut and Paste Update

I am drained, so I am cutting and pasting things that i have written throughout the day today so yall can be "up to date" on the latest with the quest for Baby Bass...

Monday, 3/31/08
Just trying to hit a homerun on each pitch God is ending our way lately....so far, I have a few foul balls! My doc's nurse called again today and left a weird message saying "Dr. D said you dont need LIT and you dont need to go to Mexico and you dont need another consult with him...just give us a call the next cycle you want to do treatments!" HUH!?!?!??!!?!!!!So,needless to say i will be calling tomorrow I am so confused and I NEED a plan of attack.
Eric didnt get the promo we had been hoping for, but I guess he sorta figured he wouldnt. He only moved up into his current position 18 months ago, so it makes sense that they would want someone with a little more tenure in that role. He is okay with it. I am just concerned that the only other places these promotions come open now are San Antonio and Chicago. I wouldnt mind San Antonio at ALL, but Chicago doesnt excite me. That's a loooong way off though.
I interviewed at La Petite Academy today. They offered me a Lead Teacher position in their toddler room (12-24 months). I am excited about it, but have some conerns that I want to clear up tomorrow before officially accepting. I think Florida allows 11:1 ratios and that terrifies me. 6:1, i can handle. 11:1, notsomuch. And the pay isnt great (at all), but I would rather take a job that i LOVE, and sacrifice money....than be stuck in a well-paying, HORRIBLE job that I hated going to everyday. So...we'll see. I think I have talked myself into it if those ratios are okay.So....lots to think about today.....my brain hurts! haha

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
Ugh...for the very first time in my life, i feel like giving up on the quest for Baby Bass...someone talk me back to reality!!The nurse just called. She said that my doc thinks we should seek a consult with Dr. Beers' clinic in Chicago. He said that "every single test they send to this lab comes back with bad results...they cant ALL be negative!" So, i think he doesn't trust the results and knows he isnt allowed to treat it, even if it IS negative. So he wants to pass us off to someone else. He also said "dont go to Mexico...you should go to Canada or Europe...not mexico". Well, Canada doesn't accept non-canadian patients, and Europe is way too expensive to travel AND pay for treatment. I am so lost. Now we dont have a doc or a plan of attack. I havent had the chance to tell Eric yet..he is in a meeting. But man, WHEN are we gonna get a freakin break!?!?Sorry to be a downer...today started good and went downhill. I called the day care and it IS 6:1, not 11:1...thank GOD! And I would have an aid at all times. If they can come thru with the money, I will definitely accept the position.

Later on 4/1/08
I called Eric to tell him the sad news, and we both cried. I think it is more of a "good bye" cry, than a sad cry. When I realized that we were in for a looong road TTC, i told Eric "i need to be 100% confident that we did EVERYTHING we could before we give up on this mission." After our first IVF failed, I was upset (devastated), but I knew it wasn't over. After our 2nd IVF was cancelled, i was disappointed, but knew that it happened for a reason. After the 3rd IVF failed with such "perfect" embies, I knew our road was getting longer and harder, but was willing to do whatever it took. Today is the first time that I feel like we have reached our limit...and I am almost okay with it. It doesn't feel like such a mission anymore. It almost feels like we did what we could, we went thru two RE's and 2 gynos, we did IUIs, IVFs, clomid, and evrything in between, we had fun trying on our own for a while.....it is just time to step back and not let this consume me for a while.
Ironically, or coincidentally, or because God planned it, my SIL Melissa called me right after I got off the phone with Eric. I was still crying and of course she asked what was wrong. I explained it and she casually said "he's an ass, just call the Dr. Beer guy and find out what he thinks...right? what can it hurt?" I love her for it. Obvisouly she had no clue she would be calling me at a low point in my day, but she was calling to tell me amazing news. Our friends, J and I, have been to our doc for the same amount of time we have. She has undergone many IUIs and the drugs just attacked her body and spirit. She has long-term physical effects from the meds, and they decided in October that she had enough. Around that time they went to an adoption seminar for a local attorney who handles domestic adoptions. They werent really THAT interested in it and were still grieving the "loss" of their fertility, but they wanted to get an idea of what to expect. That was in October. This morning, J and I were supposed to be heading to the hospital to watch their very own baby boy enter the world. His birth mommy cant handle anymore kids for various reasons, and chose J and I to be his parents. Assuming he was in fact born today (no word yet), they are bringing him home in the next couple days, to raise him and love him like their own. They have been sooo hesitant that this day would ever even happen, that they have not brought themselves to purchase ONE baby item. Not a crib, a carseat, a onsie...nothing. They are too terrified that the mom will back out. But today, they will be holding him (and running to walmart for a LOT of crap!!)So,...i cant think that God threw this occasion at us as a coincidence. I have been waiting for my sign for a long-ass time...and maybe we just got it???We arent giving up on the idea of being parents, and we arent even gonna give up on our fertility options.....but I think our mission might take a different route, but end up at the same destination. Ill keep you posted...thanks again.

Even late on 4/1/08
I know I sound bipolar again, (crying and sobbing and then happy and energetic.....what a rollercoaster!!??)...but I am truly getting excited about our options. God hasnt said "no, you can NOT be a mommy"...He might just be saying "there is a little baby out there, being conceived right now, who's parents arent ready for a baby.......go find that baby....he or she is yours".......and while we wait for that baby to come along, and fill out all the paperwork, and jump through all those hoops, and wait some more for their arrival, we can still call Dr. Beers and find out what his group thinks we should do. At least then, if THEY say "we cant help you", we have already taken steps down a different path towards Baby Bass. Eric and I have never been closed-minded about adoption. We have books and websites and research and such. We just wanted to use up all of our insurance fertility coverage before moving down that path. (We have about $9000 left).Now we are just gonna start that route a little earlier than expected.....I am excited about this plan of attack (as vague as it is right now), and proud that it is a plan that WE came up with on our OWN. No doctors are dictating it right now....

Later Later on 4/1/08
We have been praying for Jeremy and Ioana and following their journey (thru fertility treatments and this agency), and I am so thrilled for them. I had NO CLUE that today was the day! How ironic? coincidental? God has funny timing! So, I feel like God placed this sign in our path (thanks, melissa!) and is trying to tell us something. Is adoption easy? no. But it IS an option. We have always known that, once we exhausted all fertility coverage funds and did everything physically necessary, we would adopt if we still didn't have our baby. So...maybe we are starting that plan a little earlier than anticipated. Better early than late! So...i am excited about the doors and windows God is opening around us, and hoping that this rollercoaster at least SLOWS DOWN for a while. I need a break, man!I know adoption can be even more heartwrenching and scary than fertility treatments, but we have made it this far....we can do it. THanks for your thoughts prayers, and support. I appreciate you all sooo much!!! THANK YOU!
oh, and i swear i am not bipolar.......although i DO swtich from tears to happy pretty quickly!! haha

So.....thats the latest! I'll continue to keep you posted! :)