So much for my "Award Winning Blog"!

So shame on me, huh? I go and win an award and then desert my blog the next day. Sorry bout that. Had a busy holiday week and was trying to avoid saying things I dont mean. My mom, although we havezero relationship right now, gave me one piece of good advice that I can vividly recall. She always said "never write it down if you dont want it to come back to haunt you." Made sense AFTER my middle school BFF and I were busted passing notes in Mr. Kasparack's English class. Male middle school teachers seem to be among the most ruthless as far as punishment goes...at least, punishment for passing notes. He read our notes out loud and BFF and I both turned red as our "crushes" names were displayed for "EVERYONE"! So, I learned to never write, type, text, or email anything I didnt want repeated in an audience. It is sad that my own blog has those same limitations, but the fact is, people have feelings and some can be sensitive. And I dont want to hurt feelings. That is why I havent written about the Family Feud my parent, brother, aunts, and grandfather have held onto. And I wont. Just know that we aren talking now. Some day we might have a relationship, but right now it is just too sticky and gets too ugly. So there will be no writing about that.
There will also be no writing about the "Pam" situation any longer. It happened, Eric and I are OVER IT. Evryone else needs to get over it too. There was a thread that carried on waaay too long and attmepted to pick apart the situation. No one knows why it happened. We are just happy it happened to us since we know we are strong enough to handle it and we know it will make the baby who eventually comes home with us even more special. I want to say a special (and extremely sarcastic) THANK YOU to those of you who tried to tell me things I already know. Ya know, like, "it happens" and "they change their minds a lot" and "the fact is, birthmoms can change their minds"...yep. I get it. I know that. And I find it almost comical that the only people saying those things are people who HAVE CHILDREN and who have never gone through adoption in any way. Of course its easy to say the wrong things when you have no idea what you are talikng about. Thats why its better to keep mouths shut if you dont know what is going on.
I wasnt upset that Pam changed her mind. In fact, I encouraged her to keep him until she all but yelled at me and told me tos top "babying her". So, i wasnt annoyed AT ALL that she changed her mind (allegedly). I was disappointed that she had chosen to involve me and Eric even though she knew what we had already been through. She hadnt done her research, but was essentially offering up her son. Yes, I am a smart chick and I should have seen the red flags, or at least listened to our agency when THEY caw the red flags. But the fact is, we were soooo close to being parents for the FIRST TIME, that my heart leapt at the thought and the possibilities.
And as I type this, I once again realize that these are all things I have said before. Things I sholdnt have to say. Things that attempt to explain my feelings. Its my blog. I dont have to explain myself to anyone. The fact is, ERIC AND I ARE OVER IT. WE ARE THANKFUL WE ARE THROUGH IT. Everyone needs to pray for Pam and her kids and their futures, and keep praying that another expectant mommy picks us soon.

Speaking of expectant mommies and agency news. Nothing good here. Eric called to check in last wek and learned that our profile was shown AGAIN last week, but the expectant mommy chose someone else. No feedback. No reasons why she didnt like us. No info to go on. Just plain old "she didnt like us"...again. Thats the 3rd time. Three other families in our area will be getting babies soon because these three girls liked them instead of us. Does it hurt? A little. It is more frustrating than anything. All they have is a 13 page profile to get to know us. They dont know the fertility stuff we went through...just that we tried for years. They dont know how much this baby will be loved...just what we wrote. They dont know who we really are...just some pictures in a book. So hopefully one of them evetually says "i want to know these two people better...let's meet them". For now, it works out for the best since it gives us more time to pay off my car (February is the last payment!), let Eric travel for work (leaving Sunday, coming home Fridays for the next 3 months), and gives me more time at work (i LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids at work!). So...it works for us. And of course, we both know that God has the perfect baby for us and He has perfect timing. Those babies jsut werent meant to be ours.

What else is going on? Hmmm.. Well, we had a nice Thanksgiving with Eric's family. His mom came to stay with us and we had a great visit. We got to spend time with his Aunt who lives in Tennessee, and I forgot how much I really enjoy his whole family. They are all so welcoming and funny, and just plain NICE people. Eric and I plan to take a trip to TN to see his Aunt and her husband when the baby gets here. We were also able to spend nice time with his aunts and uncles and cousins who live close-by. Something we should do more often. Our house will be the location for this years Christmas Party for that side of the family. Should be fun to host a bunch of family :) As I type, Eric is putting ornaments on the Christmas tree :) I am in charge of assigning what items each person needs to bring, and organizing the ornament exchange. Say a lil prayer I dont eff it up too badly!!

Some have asked how Bailey is doing after the mauling attack. He is great :) He LOVED having his Grandma Debbie here this past week, and especially enjoyed meeting new family members who were visitng our home for the first time. Phew! Poor Uncle Mark had to throw toys with Bailey for far longer than what is probably considered "acceptable"!

OK, enough rambling...i am off to help Eric with the tree and eat some more leftovers. Just had some stuff to get off my chest and figured I would answer all of the nice emails and PMs in on shot.
Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!!!