Too Many Words for a Saturday Night

This blog had at LEAST 4 titles while it was a work in progress:
1.) Blog help anyone? (see ending)
2.) Sorta Similar...kinda...if you look close enough, and shut one eye....maybe...
3.) Open Adoption Bloggers Topic #3
4.) Its Saturday Night and Eric went to watch some fight/boxing thing with the guys, so I might as well keep typing since its passing the time while the princess sleeps
(ok, so that one wasnt really a potential title, but its still the truth)
5.) (i just thought of this one) I loathe Twitter.

Since the very first picture of Whitney began circulating amongst family and friends, we have heard "she looks soooo much like Eric!" I will admit, I see some similarities. While we are not so vain that we HAVE to have a child who resembles us, looks like us, or is the spitting image of us...it IS kinda fun to see how God figures this stuff out. :) I definitely think Whitney looks like she is related to the fam, which is part of the reason T and L picked us in the first place. Its just so funny to actually see what they meant when they said "we feel like this baby could look like she was biologically yours." At the time I thought, "oh, that's sweet..."...but now I see what T was talkin' about. :)
Same facial expressions :)


Almost the same curls as her Grandpa*Bass(right) and her Daddy (left)


And these are here simply because they are too cute to keep to myself. :)
Eric and his little bro, Daniel (Kyle and Dean's daddy...who happens to be having a BIRTHDAY on Wednesday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!!)








This Month's "Open Adoption Blogger" topic (top right corner, hot pink) is "What are your wishes for your Open Adoption?" I have put this topic aside for a few days now, because I wasnt sure what wishes I have. I dont know what its all going to look like. But then we got a voicemail from T yesterday, and now my wish would be one word: Communication.
We got a very nice voicemail from T. She received the latest pack of pictures and updates. She LOVED them and continues to gush over how happy she is with the way things are going. We are pretty darn thrilled ourselves. :)
She also said that a young girl just moved in next door to her, and is in a similar situation (considering adoption, other kids, etc) as T and L were in about a year ago now. She said she was "just soo happy that (she) could share our great story with her, and tell her how successful adoption can be." It was so nice to hear that she is telling others how happy she is with how God worked this all out. She continues to be confident in her decision and is pleased with us (actually said "you guys look like the happiest family, and I am so proud to have had a part in that. Its beautiful.") That feels good. Especially because, if our agency had their way, T and I would not have had any communication once that first dinner meeting was over, all the way back in February. I cant imagine T feeling great about meeting us ONE time, in a restaurant, with limited REAL conversation, and then deciding that placing her baby in our arms was the best choice. It takes more than one dinner conversation to decide you like someone on a first date....and February's dinner had way more significance than ANY first date. I cant imagine that dinner meeting being the ONLY time I EVER talked with, laid eyes on, or thanked T and L.
Dont get me wrong.
When I say "communication", I mean "the right amount of communication." I dont know what that is just yet, as we are new at this. I know I have a threshold that we may or may not come to, where things get sticky. But I know that "zero communication" is definitely not our "right amount" right now.
I want all parties involved (T, L, Eric, me, and Whitney) to feel like there is an appropriate, comfortable level of communication. Not too much.(It can happen.) Not too little.(It can happen.)
I'm a newbie at this, but it seems like the other issues involved in open adoptions all come about when there is a lack of communication or an over-abundance of communication (or a perceived desire for more contact). I wish, for our open adoption situation, that we can all find an appropriate, comfortable level and amount of communication to ensure that Whitney has a secure understanding and a happy/positive sense of who she is, how she got here, and what we all mean in her life. I dont want her getting confused. I dont want her dealing with unanswered questions, philosophical or medical...logisitical or spiritual.
I wish that Whitney's family and friends will understand that "her adoption story" is HERS to communicate. It is a part of who she is, but it is not ALL of who she is. She may embrace it and become some world-renowned adoption attorney, running her own agency and helping bring families together all over the world. Or, she may ignore the fact that she is adopted in much the same way that I "ignore" the fact that I have brown eyes. Or the way i "ignore" the fact that I am the youngest child and the oldest granddaughter. Brown eyes, youngest sibling, and oldest granddaughter are pieces of who I am, but I definitely dont think about those things everyday, and I think I have had less than 10 conversations about those facts in my entire life.
Communication is the great relationship make-or-breaker, in my book. If we lack communication, or if there are MIScommunications, things get awkward for everyone. I have had a few wonderful, close friends who have wondered/asked how they are supposed to explain adoption to their 4, 5, 6, 7, 12 year old kids who know Whitney showed up at our house without "Miss Kathleen" getting a big ol belly first. I have never really had a good answer for that concern. How parents talk to their kids is their deal and I will help where I can, but I hadnt really given it much thought until I had to give an answer. Now, if I could offer some advice to them as an adoptive mommy, I would just request that they explain it and move on. Dont dwell on it. Dont keep talking about it. Dont refer back to it. ("Remember how I told you that Whitney's adopted?") It doesnt matter in everyday conversation or everyday life. Answer curiousity with honest answers if it comes up repeatedly. And if it comes up over and over and over and you're stuck, just ask me/us. I just dont want Whitney to come home from a playdate/1st grade/8th grade and say "....everyone at school/play date/church/tennis camp/insert activity here knows that I was adopted, but *I* wasnt the one who told them...how do they know?" I dont want her feeling like people are all talking about it behind her back. Make sense?
See...it all comes back to communication. Sometimes there is too much. Sometimes there is not enough. My wish would be for our family and friends (and the general public, too!)to have the right balance.


aaah..so I came here tonight and wrote this on my blog, only intending to post one lil pic to make you smile:
I lost some things on my sidebar..."I Spy with my little eye..." is gone. Our countdown to Mandy, Matt, and Brooklyn's visit = gone. My "about me" section is gone. AND my blog archive is not showing. Anyone know where they went? Or how I can get them back?

And then I got allllll off course and wordy on ya. Shrug. Sorry bout that. :)