and I told ya so.
Another negative pregnancy test. My nurse said she was sorry, blah blah blah....and that the doc is out of town for a week. She said he writes a letter giving his opinions and recommendations, etc. She said to expect it in 3 weeks. (last cycle, she said the same thing and I never got a letter....) I expect it to say the usual comments "i am sorry.." "i thought things looked good"..."everything went so well"...."not sure why it didnt work"...."everything happens for a reason"...etc. I hate that crap. Sick of hearing it. Why cant any doctor just tell me how to fix it? How to MAKE it work?
I am sad, mad, jealous, pissed off, angry, upset, and sick over it. I dont even know how to feel this bad. I just will never understand this.
Eric is great. Keeps trying to say things to make me feel better. Too bad there is nothing that can fix it. No magic words. No matter how hard he tries.
Please dont ask me what the next step is. I cant even think about trying again right now. I am sure we will do something...just not sure how (financially) or when. Eric wants to keep going right into another cycle, but I just dont think that's healthy. My heart is not in it to win it. I cant even look at the picture of thse sweet little "perfect" embryos that are half me and half Eric...."perfect". I literally Loved them already. Sappy, i know...but 99% of you have never been in my shoes. (no offense.)
Eric went to run some errands (tissues is the number one item on his list) and to pick up yet another pack of birth control pills. I cant even begin to tell you how much this all hurts.
THANK YOU for your prayers and support and understanding. I might cry a little in the next few weeks....cut me a break, kay? Thanks :)
I'll be sure to keep you all posted on the latest.
6 comments:
Oh Kathleen, I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm praying for you!
Oh, love, I am thinking and praying for you every day. Call me if you ever want to chat it out. Love you!
My heart aches for you - I know I cannot even begin to understand. Please call me if you need anything - anytime.
Kathlenn, I left you a message on just moms as well. But I want you to know I so understand what you are going through. We have been trying for 8 years now with no luck just BFN after BFN. My heart aches for you. DO NOT let anyone pressure you into something you are not emotionally, physiaclly or financially ready for. You need to grieve right now and that is ok. I so feel your anguish, frustration, and sadness. I am here if you need someone to talk to. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Valerie
Oh, sweet Kathleen . . . my heart aches for you. Take time for yourself and for healing. I wish I could lend you my shoulder to cry on or my hand to hold. May you find peace in your heart and strength in your faith.
I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you today.
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