MAJOR Meltdown leads to Inspiration and HOPE!

Not sure if I mentioned it or not, but we were on Thanksgiving vacation when AF arrived, so I couldnt go in for a CD3 u/s or b/w. So, we are down for a cycle. It turned out to be for the best because the day I returned from vacation, my only FT employee resigned because she is going back to teaching. :( She is an AMAZING employee and will be a WONDERFUL teacher, but I NEED her! So, I know that God didnt send us our Baby Bass this time for a good reason. I have a lot of work ahead of me...I am excited to take over a different role with the business (education director) and hire someone to do my job (marketing/sales). I will get to work with the kids more, and deal with crazy parents less :) We have 3 weeks to hire someone and switch positions/roles, so I will be busy with that. It's a good thing! :) I may not have seen it that way earlier this week when I was FREAKING out and panicking and not sleeping and having major headaches....but I see it now. MAJOR MELTDOWN!
BUT...
Eric and I went to see Joel Osteen last night. If you ever get the chance to watch him on TV or see him near you, GO! It was GREAT! Very uplifting and helpful, and PERFECT timing. Some thoughts from the evening:
* "You cant have faith if you dont have hope."
I realized that, for a little while, I lost all hope of having a baby. I tried to pray my way through it or around it, but I couldnt shake that feeling of hopelessness. Now I realize that I was lacking faith, too. When I lose hope I am letting God know that I dont think He can make my dreams come true....and that's not the case. He can!
* "TODAY could be the day He turns it all around!"
I was having a tough time getting going in the morning and even getting out of bed some days. Hearing this statement last night really helped. What if God wanted to send me some wonderful miracle, but I was too busy hitting snooze or avoiding the day??
* "Dont wait for hopes and dreams to come true before you start enjoying life. He will give you the desires of your heart, but dont WAIT for it."
That's a big one...
* "Dont wait to start praising God,...praise Him BEFORE he makes all those hopes and dreams come true!"
I have always said that I cant wait to have a Baby Bass, and when I do, I am going to tell EVERYONE what a miracle it is! Why cant I start thinking that way BEFORE the baby gets here? God has sent MANY MANY wonderful things into my life...I need to be praising Him NOW..not waiting for that last hope and dream to fall into place.
* and my favorite: "This circumstance is not going to upset me. This circumstance is not the problem. The problem is how I am APPROACHING this circumstance."
Fertility isnt the problem. I mean, it IS...but there are things that can help that. The real root of the "problems" I have had lately, is the way I am approaching the situations. If I am overly senistive or critical or fearful, that shows in my actions. I need to approach fertility and business difficulties with a positive, peaceful attitude. It isnt easy, and it wont happen overnight, but if I can change the way I approach tough situations, I think a lot of stress will disappear from my life. Instead of getting mad or scared, I need to count or take a breath or just step back before jumping to respond. I am already praying that God will get me through the hard times with a good attitude and a positive approach.

There is no real news on the fertility front for now. Just waiting to receive the standard "sorry it didnt work" letter from my doctor. Should be here next week. I will keep you posted :)

In the mean time...dont expect a Christmas card from me quite yet...they are almost all addressed, but I havent written in the cards yet. Just know that I am thinking about you all and hoping your holidays are WONDERFUL and PEACEFUL! :) And you'll get a card eventually...... :)