I'll Spare you the Gory Details

(and yes, that's how you spell "gory" according to AOLmail...who knew?)

After a fairly heated conversation (ahem, argument) with D today, we have now learned that T did not show up to her Monday counseling session because "she forgot", and she did not show up to her weekly ob/gyn appointment because "well...we don't really know...".

We have moved from sadness to anger now. If she is not showing up to these appointments because she intends to back out, she needs to let someone at the agency KNOW her intentions so our agency can release us from this "match". Technically, she could ride this out all the way to the birth. We can ONLY be released from this match if she says "i am NOT placing this child for adoption". Well, technically that's not all true I guess. We can choose to back ourselves out of this match, but it would be "against the advice of the agency", and if we do so, we would go back into the pool of waiting adoptive applicants. If we wait for T to back out on her own, then we go to the top of the list for what is known as a "Stork Drop". (cute, isnt it?)
A Stork Drop is when a woman has already given birth, decided on adoption, and signed the paperwork. Sometimes they want to meet the adoptive parents, but most of the time they do not. These firstmoms/birthmoms are asked to fill out the same questionnaires/histories that T and all the other's fill out with our agency, so we would know the same amount of medical/background info. IF T backs out, we would get the first "Stork Drop". There are obvious pros and cons. Pros: baby comes home right away and is ours, paperwork is already signed, ink is dry. Cons: typically there is very little communication with the birthmom/firstmom/family, so it would be harder for our child to find her first family in the future; we wouldnt get to meet her or tell her "thank you", and we would have very few answers regarding why she was placed, making it harder to answer our daughter's questions throughout her life. (This is not always the case, but what was explained to us in the beginning of this process...)

I am not saying that T HAS backed out. I am not certain that she WILL back out. I am just trying to look at this from the outside, and it seems to me that a lot of signs are pointing towards her walking away. Who knows? Maybe she had a sick kid on Monday, so she missed her appointment? Maybe she didnt have a ride to her doctor's appointment, so she couldnt go? Maybe she is too scared to face any of the emotions she must be feeling, so she didnt want to talk with a counselor? Or maybe she has already faced those emotions, and decided to walk away now?

So much to think about. 26 days til she delivers. 26 LOOOONG days.

I am IN NO WAY upset with T. I respect her for even considering adoption in the first place! I am mostly angry with our agency, and D in particular. We have a meeting with P, the owner/founder of our agency tomorrow at 2:30pm. I was reassured by a friend who used our agency today...she said P will get things moving, and that someone she knows had the same type of "poor communicaiton" experience when working with D in the past. At least its not just us!
And who knows? Maybe all of this has some crazy explanation that is being lost in translastion....and maybe this baby will come home with us afterall.

I understand, as tough as it is, why the agency did not want to let T know that they had concerns about her latest conversations. If she knew they had red flags about her, she might shut down and not open up anymore. Then, all these pent up feelings might wait until after she's given birth, after we've held her little girl, and before she signs the paperwork...and we would much rather turn back now, than have that happen.
But now that T has not shown up for TWO appointments in ONE week, AND she has told them that she is struggling with this decision, I feel they would be irresponsible NOT to bring up their concerns to T. I think D or someone else NEEDS to sit her down, regardless of whether or not it "scares" her away. If THAT scares her away, then she shouldnt be placing in the first place! (IMO) I think someone needs to stand up for US and say "you are showing signs of backing out. We need to let Kathleen and Eric move on. If they are not matched again by the time you deliver this little girl, and you still want to place with them, we would be happy to work with you all at that time. But for now, with the signs you are showing and the actions we have seen in the past week and a half, it is not fair to keep them hanging on."

Sorry if this is disjointed or rambling...I have stopped and started typing several times for various phone calls, doggy potty breaks, and "whats for dinner" conversations. But that is the latest...and trust me, the details are icky. D and I will NOT be friends when this is all said and done. She is now the proud owner of a piece of my mind. Whether she likes it or not.
(I need to give a lil shout out to Dr. B, our family practitioner who nicely prescribed me some lovely anti-anxiety, sleep-thru-the-night pills...he is my new best friend. I knew it was time to take that formerly-embarassing leap when I woke up from sleepwalking on Wednesday night/morning. I was laying a towel on the bed in preparation to change the baby's diaper. Someone had just told me "Here she is...she's all yours! But she has a dirty diaper....". So I went into the closet, got out a towel, laid it on the bed,...and woke up....geting ready to change the diaper of a baby in my dreams............Thats when I knew I wouldnt make it through the next 26 "sleeps" without a lil help.......call me weak if you must. I am choosing to think that God made me strong enough to know I needed a lil help. :)...and even stronger to admit it. )

OK...enough rambling...off to dinner to celebrate the 4 years I have been married to the BEST man on the planet.....Happy Anniversary EBass :)