Some things our agency has told us....

"They are married, but separated, and probably divorcing. But the fact that they are married actually helps an adoption situation." (January 27th)
"I'm not sure they are ACTUALLY married...they might just be common-law." (March 20th)
(PS T and L shard their wedding photos with us at the last meeting. We all saw them. Including D.)

"Bring pictures of the nursery or any other things you have prepared for the baby." (Feb, right before our first meeting.)
"When you showed her the pictures of the nursery, T had a realllly hard time with that. Dont bring any photos like that to the second meeting." (March 20th)
(PS T got slight tears in her eyes when she looked at the photo album, but said she "LOVED" the pictures and really appareciated them. She loved the room we were preparing. D has repeatedly said that T had a REALLY hard time when she saw the pictures. I guess we were at different meetings.)

"The birthfather has already signed his Termination of Parental Rights. T has made her plans clear to him, and he is on board." (January)
"I am not sure if he signed that or not. And if he did, I am not sure what it means. It probably doesnt mean anything right now since it hasnt been filed. I think he will still have to sign paperwork at the hospital." (March 20th)
(PS This started as a "reassuring statement" from D, back when she was telling us about the couple. She LOVED that he had already signed TPR, and claimed that it was a "good sign" for things to move forward. Oh, and by the way, we have a copy of his signature on a Termination of Parental Rights, notarized document......)

"That meeting could not have gone ANY better. It was great!" (Feb, after meeting)
"After the last meeting, I am really concerned that Kathleen wont be able to get her 'game face' on for another meeting, and that could be just the 'excuse' T needs to back out." (March 20th)
(PS What happened to the whole "it couldnt be better" feeling!? If she had such hige CONCERNS about my behavior, why didnt she mention it? She never shared any concerns or disappointments. She never said "i wish you didnt say ____" or "it made me nervous when ____". In fact, she was saying the exact OPPOSITE, and only telling us how GREAT we were.)

"T is SURE of her plan to place, and she KNOWS this is what she wants in the long run. She shows NO SIGNS of backing out or reconsidering." (January thru early March)
(and please dont think that I am stupid here. I KNOW that T can change her mind. I KNOW that I will NEVER know how hard this is on T. I know that the agency cant really predict the future or T's emotions. BUT...after "30 years" experience, dont ya think they should have refrained from telling us how SURE they were???)
"There is still a POSSIBILITY that T will place...a possibility." (March 20th)

"We are not going to use any more of your funds to support the rest of T's pregnancy." (March 19th)
"There is a payment due for (a ridiculous amount of money) on Monday." (March 20th)

"We think you would be SILLY to back out of this match."
"We arent going to show you the ultrasound pictures."
(Soooo, if we would be silly to back out, then why wouldnt we look at the pics? If we would be silly to walk away, then why not move forward 100%?)

And when I asked D "if you knew in January what you know now, would you have let T look at profiles?" she went round and round and round in circles saying "well, it does happen sometimes...we dont let some birthmoms look at profiles until after they have signed away rights........(asked again),......well, sometimes we dont let birthmoms look at profiles....(asked a different way)...well. that has happened before." (ok, so there is my answer...NO they would NOT have allowed T to choose profiles or be matched if she had shown any signs of being unsure. So remind me again why we should STAY matched to her, if you arent even SURE you should have given her profiles to look through in the first place???

and then there is all the "other stuff" they said:
"she is SURE this is the right thing to do." "she values her dad's opinion, and he is pro-adoption plan." "she is getting her youngest potty trained and she said she doesnt want to do diapers again." "she said it is obvious that you guys can offer her 'a better life' than she can." (her words, not ours) "she said she would be taking away from C and A, her other two kids, if she keeps this baby." "she has to come up with a hospital plan and that is hard for her...she doesnt know if she wants to see the baby, or if holding her and seeing her will make it worse." "L only wants to see the baby at delivery (he'll be in the c-section), and when she is released from the hospital. He doesnt want to see her in between." "these could just be last minute thoughts and concerns that she is trying to work through, and we could totally be reading her wrong." "based on the things she said yesterday that *I* heard (D), i think there is a good possibility that she wont place." "she may just want to be reassured that she feels comfortable with you two." "she may be looking for a small detail that might make her a LITTLE bit unsure, and then that can be her excuse to back out....like, 'i didnt like them as much this time as i did at our last meeting'".

So...a lot to take in and consider. Less than what T is taking in and considering, for sure. But T is currently walkin around with our hearts in her hands. (good analogy Kristi :)) So we just have to wait and "be patient" and have faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to.