New Lil Blinkie to the right ----->

See that hot pink lil box at the top? Click on it sometime and take the time to read a few of the blogs listed there. Some of them are listed in my blog roll, down to the right. But I am still "getting to know" most bloggers on the list, so I dont want to slap them up on my blog without permission (or at least without commenting on their blogs occasionally!)

I have learned so much from the blogs I read behind that hot pink blinkie. I am hoping others will, too. I get so many questions about "what if she doesnt sign?" and "once she signs, its FOREVER, right??" and "you dont want her showing up on your doorstep someday, wanting that baby back...be careful!" I just hope that I can help people understand that adoption is NOT like it used to be. Its not like it was in the 50's where a nun would show up at a young couple's door with a baby in a basket and say "here ya go...he's yours". Its not like it was when girls were sent away to "camp" to hide their growing bellies, to give birth, and come back without details or even one word about the child she carried inside her. Its just not like that anymore. I think that more and more people are "getting it", but I just hope that the hot pink blinkie can help speed up the learning curve.

HERE is a post that really hits home today. Read it. Know that, while this blogger and I may not be entirely "the same", no adoption situation is exactly like the next. She and I may be different in our approaches to nursery decorating (we're painting this weekend), but the underlying thoughts, concerns, and sentiments are all the same...or similar enough that I can call them "the same" for now. I am so glad that she took the time to write her thoughts out for me to read (well, not ME, PERSONALLY...the girl doesnt even know I exist!...) but I am just so happy to find others who "get it" and who are willing to teach me more and more about a subject I love to learn about. I am not a perfect potential adoptive mommy. I sometimes use terms or words that offend first moms or birth moms or potential birth moms or potential first moms. I try my best to say what I am thinking and I am learning to just cross my fingers and hope I dont hurt any feelings, and know that, try as I may, I will never be able to please everyone. Especially in a world filled with such strong emotions on both sides.

For example...I have literally lost sleep over the blinkie I have that has the creepy/cute lil baby floating around and is titled "Kat and Eric's Baby", and the stork one that says "until our baby comes home". Rest assured, my friends. I am well aware that "Kat and Eric" dont have a baby, and that "our baby" does not exist. Yet. The baby T is carrying is not ours. She MIGHT be ours in a mere 20 days. She may never be ours. And by titling that blinkie/ticker in a way that implies that the baby in T's belly is "ours", I have worried that I may have offended or hurt or sparked a debate or given someone an opportunity to "remind" me that the baby is not, in fact, "Kat and Eric's". But to those of you who notice stuff like that, please know that, while I wont apologize for titling it so, I need to explain that, in my head, right now, the baby in T's belly IS almost ours. And if she doesnt come home with us, and if we dont raise her as our own, and if T ends up keeping her...a littel peice of that baby will always be ours, in that she will always be in our hearts and in our prayers. We already love her. That may be what makes all of this even harder. I did exactly what everyone tells Potential Adoptive Parents (PAPs) NOT to do. I got attached to a baby I have never met, and may NEVER meet in my life. But that's just how my heart works. Even if my head tells it "stop it! turn back! don't do it! you could get hurt!"

So thats the latest ramblings from my stuffed-up, cloudy lil mind. Please continue to keep T in your thoughts and prayers, as she had a procedure to remove/alleviate her pain from the kidney stone(s) yesterday. If she is released from the hospital and feeling up to it, we will still have our meeting on Monday. I hope she is able to rest and recooperate. As if the next month wont be emotionally draining enough, the poor girl has kidney stones adding to the physical pain. And please take the time to read that post, and maybe even share what you have learned from my blog or other adoption blogs the next time you hear someone say "but what if she changes her mind?"

I am headed to the couch, in hopes of sleeping until the 21st. Maybe this ear infection and respiratory garbage given to me by the darlings at work will be gone by then. And maybe...just maybe....I will wake up a mommy.